Jun 05 2009
On DBT Skills: Achieving Balance
On DBT Skills: Achieving Balance
Achieving balance is central to navigating life with peace and stability. One way to do this is to live life skillfully. This often times means that we must negotiate with others or ourselves, or resolve conflicts within ourselves or others. When we hold two or more opposing desires or ideas in our minds, they will create conflict within ourselves. Also, when we feel very strongly about an idea, situation, or person without considering and respecting others’ opinions or position in life, this can also result in unbalanced reactions or emotions. These may include anxiety or depression, or at the very least, discomfort. When you are able to bring together, resolve, or synthesize these opposing desires, or consider more than just your own point of view, you have acted or thought dialectically.
Dialectics in the context of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the practice of resolving conflicts through skillful acting, thinking, or both, which results in alleviating much of the anxiety or depression caused by being faced with conflict. DBT is a set of behavioral and thinking skills that teach one how to behave and act dialectically, with balance, and absent from the extremes characterized by people who live bipolar lives- either emotionally-driven or logic-minded, but hardly ever operating in the grey area of life.
Dialectical thinking, or “open-minded thinking,” means that you recognize that you do not always have the complete picture, all the pieces to the puzzle, or that you are not putting yourself in others’ shoes. Dialectical thinking involves accepting that you do not have enough information you need, which is causing you to experience uncomfortable feelings. You are not allowing the pendulum to swing too far to the right or left by leaving out information, compassion, consideration, empathy, or acknowledgment of something more.
To act in “wise mind,” rather than emotion-mind or logic-mind, you need to consider what you don’t know, be receptive to seeing the other side of things, or acknowledging that you may never see the whole picture, and accepting that there is much to people and situations that you are not privy to. From this point, you can perhaps choose peace in knowing that there are things unknown, that “it is what it is,” and that if you had all the pieces to the puzzle, there would be no need to be vengeful, full of rage or anger, anxious, or upset.
Whenever you experience an extreme emotion such as rage, you can almost gaurantee that you are thinking and/or feeling in polarities or dichotomies (all-or-nothing, black-or-white) rather than dialectics (”the grey area”, balance). When you are full of vindication, angst, or anger, you most likely are only seeing one side or aspect of a situation or concept, rather than allowing yourself to accept that there is more than you may ever know occurring.
consider this example of not having all the pieces to the puzzle:
Two men were riding in a subway. The first man had three children who were screaming and running around the subway car. The second man observed that the father was not trying to discipline his screaming children, and decided to say something to the father out of annoyance. The father replied, “Yes, I’m sorry. We just came back from the hospital. Their mother just died of cancer and I’m in shock.”
There are many things we do not understand in this world, and consequently, sometimes we react to what we don’t know as a result of “filling in the blanks” or making assumptions, then taking them for fact. For many people, not knowing is uncomfortable, but the resulting feelings of THINKING they know something is equally disturbing. Sometimes, it may be better to just acknowledge that the MORE we know or think we know, the more we really DO NOT KNOW! This is the mystery and beauty of life, and experiencing it fully can allow us to achieve balance and harmony.
For more information on DBT counseling in the Winter Park, Orlando area: Harmony Counseling Group, LLC 407.835.8675